Thrills and...chills

Here we are again. Another day, another dollar. I've just had an epiphany of sorts, and am a little upset at what it revealed. I've come to the conclusion that I need to go back into some sort of therapy or counseling. There is too much going on inside my head that I cannot sort through or decipher without the help of an unbiased person. I can't talk about certain things with my friends--oh wait, that brings me to another problem. Friends. What friends? At this point in time, I have no real friends I can count on, or have any substance to them. I thought I had one, that is until yesterday when she professed her love for me. Now I'm back at square one, having lost the one person I thought I could always count on. I don't feel comfortable being at the same level of friendship with her I once was because I feel like if I let on any signs of being unhappy in my relationship or having any kind of trouble, she will start to get the idea that maybe she can sidle into my life and "rescue" me in a way. But anyway-back to the therapy idea. I can't talk to my girlfriend about certain things because, well, I have problems with my relationship. I have some serious jealousy and trust issues that I have no idea where they began and how to make them end. And the saddest part is is that I'm a thousand times better about it in this relationship than I was with my ex-boyfriend, but they still get the better of me at times. I need to be able to bare my soul to someone about absolutely everything, but especially my past. My mom dying has left a huge hole in my heart and emotional well-being and I think I'm finally in a place where I might be able to work on it. Or at least allow myself to talk about things, maybe actually cry and show some emotion. So tomorrow's goal is to call some therapists, figure out if my insurance covers it and if it doesn't "shop" around for one. It certainly can't hurt...