Changes

Well, here I am. My life has completely changed and headed into a new direction. The last time I was on here I was complaining about Nick, my now ex-boyfriend, and how I had lost my sex-drive. So let's begin with the change in that last bombshell. Ex-boyfriend you say? What happened after three years? Well what didn't happen. I finally owned up to myself, came to the realization that I was traveling down the wrong road, a road that would have never brought me to any semblance of happiness. Don't get me wrong, in reality Nick himself never proved to be a bad guy. He wasn't a good boyfriend, but that's different. I never felt him and I were on the same level intellectually. When I met him he was a drinker, a person I thought I could change, maybe help in some way. At first the opposite happened--I found myself in a depression and being around someone who was constantly looking for a drinking buddy sent me into a downward spiral. I pulled myself out by starting to smarten up, stop drinking all the time, and started concentrating on my schooling. My ex-boyfriend always had unemployment problems. If he did have a job it was seasonal, and he would only buy crap cars which would end up dying on him. Flash forward to the end of our relationship--he was carless, about the stop his job for the season again, and I was in no way, shape or form attracted to him anymore. I always was shocked when people would speak of just simply waking up one day and not feeling the same way. Well, that same shock held true when I realized that's what was happening to me.
I had convinced myself I was in love with him. And I did care for him a lot, we just never should have dated. He never actually officially asked me out, but we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Just never outright. I remember stopping one day and asking myself what I saw in my future. What I saw there wasn't him, at all. There's more to it though. Let's just say I've always been attracted to women, and I had an epiphany of sorts...but that's to be continued in the next posting..